My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
