I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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