cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
