I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
