I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
