When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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