Will you blow on my dice?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
