oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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