Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
