a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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