Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
