what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize