I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
