Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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