I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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