every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
