You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
