Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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