i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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