First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
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Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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