One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
