I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
