I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
