I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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