And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
