I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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