so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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