I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
