this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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