I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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