i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
