she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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