so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
