They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
should my penis look like a turkey
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
