Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
