Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
