I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
