Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
