Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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