I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
