how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
