So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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