I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
two words...techno handjob
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
