how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
