I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
