i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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