hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
