i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
