We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
