I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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