That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
