The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
