I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
