I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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