I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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