Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
