I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Please, let me fuck your mom
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
