i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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