i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
