You smell like a Billy Joel song
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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