If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You ate ashes out of my bong
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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