I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
