I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
