I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
