She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
