I wanna passion pit in your ass
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
