oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
wow bdsm is so cute
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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